One of the most difficult transitions women face is the double blockbuster hit of going through the hormonal havoc of peri-menopause at the same time their nest is emptying. It seems that at the very stage your children are rebelling and leaving you, both emotionally and physically, your very own body is rebelling and leaving you too. You get the sense that living inside your skin is no longer a familiar place (both emotionally and physically) and it’s an uncomfortable experience indeed. 

My friend, Mags, over at The Magnolia Diaries has a great post on some of the very real and distressing symptoms that many women experience. These are by no means easy to endure and peri-menopause can be a time of genuine suffering.

Nevertheless, as someone on the other side of the change, I’m telling you to hang on. Full-fledged menopause is just around the corner and it’s a wonderful period in a woman’s life, if you look at it that way. Menopause brings about emotional and hormonal equilibrium, revitalizes your energies, and gives you the nudge to “go for it”—it’s your time and you’ve earned it.

I was recently on the television talk show View From the Bay with my friend, Maure Quilter, Marriage Family Therapist, discussing this very topic. (The segment is only a couple of minutes and I’d love to have you take a look.) 

After menopause, ratios of testosterone to estrogen rise and women experience a merging of their male and female energies. Although nurturing will always be part of our make-up, we have an increasingly insistent drive to express ourselves and leave our unique mark upon the world.

So, go out there and feather your own nest with new interests, take risks and expand your own horizons. Step away from familiar behavior and head for new and exciting directions and goals. This truly IS your time and you HAVE earned it!

The only time we lose in life is when we don’t try. Fear of failure and the need for perfection can really take their toll and put unnecessary and often insurmountable restrictions on our aspirations. Of course, we know that being perfect is an impossible task for any human being—especially when you’re attempting something you are unfamiliar doing. So, why not give whatever it is you want a shot? You probably have little, if anything, to lose and a lot to gain.

I relearned this valuable lesson just recently. For those of you who read my latest post, you know that I just started broadcasting Feisty Side of Fifty Radio. Although I had been a guest on a variety of radio shows and had also appeared on television, I’d never played the host. I had been wanting to start my own show for some time, but was feeling a case of the nerves and it was stopping me.

Finally, I got tired of procrastinating and decided to just go for it. Who would really care if I stumbled a couple of times? Who would really care if I said my share of “ums” and “uhs?” Would it be the end of the world if I wasn’t the consummate professional my first time out? These thoughts slowly began to make sense, so I made up my mind to stop stopping myself and just go for it.

I’m pleased to say that I invited a wonderfully inspiring guest and, I think, the show turned out great! If you haven’t already heard it, I invite you to give it a try. It’s only fifteen minutes, and I believe it’s well worth your while. 

Now, I’ve got a number of future guests lined up and I’m looking forward to many fascinating and thought-provoking interviews with baby boomer women over fifty who are making the most of their lives. (I’m on vacation right now but will start broadcasting again as soon as I return. I’ll keep you posted.) Please go to the “contact me” page and send me an email if you’d like to be interviewed and share your story with other boomer women.

As stopping myself from doing things has been a recurring theme in my own life (before I turned fifty and feisty, that is), I invite you to look at these issues for yourself. Are you letting important opportunities slip by because of fear or lack of confidence? Are you limiting your abilities and impact on the world because it seems just too hard to try to go after what you want? 

Take some time to make a list of two or three things you’d like to realize in your life. Then jot down four or five obstacles you believe would prevent you from accomplishing these goals. After that, brainstorm ways to overcome these obstacles. If you can’t come up with any ideas on your own, ask a friend, a counselor, or some other person you trust. In fact, ask several. The way to achieve your dreams might just be a question or two away. 

Remember, this is the time in your life to go after what you want. After years of catering to the needs of spouses and children, you’ve earned the right to focus on your own desires for a change. And we all know that, as women over fifty, we’re now FIESTIER THAN EVER–so go on, get out there, and follow those dreams!

Many women over fifty complain they become more forgetful. In fact, some have affectionately dubbed this phenomenon “mental-pause,” and there are real physiological reasons behind it. There are estrogen receptors throughout your brain, including the hippocampus, and this is the part involved in certain aspects of memory. So, when estrogen levels drop, your brain and your ability for recall are affected.

In fact, I know this to be true in my own life. Things seem to be slipping through the cracks, and every day brings fresh surprises and more than a few awkward moments.  I have to run back to the store because I neglected to buy the milk, I forget names and stand mutely by when it’s obvious I should be making introductions, and, without my datebook, I wouldn’t remember any of my appointments. 

But, before you get too worried that your own gray matter is graying, check out this fun little test. It’s called “How Old is Your Brain?” I did and was pleasantly surprised. In fact, I’m beginning to feel my noggin literally popping with new and sprightly dendrites!

To play:

1.    Touch “start”

2.    Wait for 3, 2, 1

3.    Memorize the numbers’ positions on the screen, then click the circle from the smallest number to the biggest one.

4.    At the end of the game, the computer will gage the age of your brain.

Good Luck!!

Click here to start

I stopped in over at Feisty Side of Fifty to see what Eileen was up to and linked over to another blog to listen to an interview she did regarding menopause.  It was interesting and of course fun to hear her voice since we’ve only “chatted” via the Internet.

I appreciate Eileen’s point of view.  She is an optimist and chooses to see the bright side in life and to focus on the positive even in the midst of difficulties.  That is a healthy attitude to be sure.  But, I also found myself relating terribly to the interviewer,Bevery Mahone as she discussed the difficulties she had with depression while going through perimenopause.

Outside of the insomnia, I would have to say that the depression and mood swings have been one of the worst components of perimenopause for me.  So, when she talked about how it sapped her energy and enthusiasm for life, boy could I understand.  And it does.

I wish we could just take a happy pill and get through it all, but unfortunately, it is a time of life that we must walk through to get through.  There are no short cuts and there are no easy routes.  If you are one of the approximately 20% of women who have had no symptoms with your perimenopause, say your “amens’ and your ”hallelujahs” now, because the other 80% of us have likely taken them on for you.

I had to face up to the fact that my mood swings and depression were out of my hands and resorted to antidepressants for about two years.  I believe Time Magazine even did a piece on menopause and it was said that antidepressants were one of the best and easiest things you could do.  I concur.  It was difficult for me to take them because being the control freak that I am. I didn’t want to think that I couldn’t “will” myself out of the emotional ups and downs I was experiencing.

But the truth was, I couldn’t.  So, I swallowed my pride and the pill along with it and things improved greatly for me.  I am happy to say that I am beyond those very difficult days, but I still have the depressive, blues every month. 

When it hits, there is nothing I can do but ride it out.  I know what it is and that is helpful.  Walking helps and chocolate and wine don’t hurt either, but for the most part, just letting it run it’s course has been the best choice of action for me.

Depression is one of those things that people don’t like to admit to.  When everyone else around you seems to be coping, it is very difficult to feel that you are not.  But, the truth is, depression (and I’m not talking clinical depression) that we deal with in perimenopause is chemically and hormonally based.  You are not a failure at life if you struggle with it. 

I think sometimes just knowing that you are not alone in the struggle is extremely helpful as well.  So, menopause mavens, if you find yourself battling depression and can’t seem to shake it……..you are most definitely not alone and you are always welcome to dump your blues here at The Magnolia Diaires.   

In her book about women’s second adulthood, Inventing the Rest of Our Lives, Suzanne Braun Levine provides us with some exiting data concerning the aging brain. Dr. Francine Benes, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, has discovered that there is a growth spurt that takes place in the human brain around the age of fifty. Myelin, which is the fatty layer that covers nerve fibers, actually grows about fifty percent during this time. This coating is responsible for aiding the brain to more effectively synthesize life experiences and to enhance the ability to make thoughtful judgments and prudent decisions.  

Even better, the location of this growth spurt is found within the area of the cerebral cortex that is identified with emotional learning. Perhaps, as Levine suggests, this myelin growth factor may likely play a part in creating the highly revered trait we call wisdom.

So, next time we search for our car keys, call our son by the dog’s name, or forget to tell our husband his boss phoned, we have to remember that somewhere in our noggin there’s a whole heap of wisdom going on!

Yes, for women over fifty, or, for that matter, most anyone of any age, modern travel isn’t easy. I just returned from a week’s trip to the heartland visiting my relatives and, although I had a wonderful time, the going wasn’t easy.

To start, I awoke at 3:45 a.m. to give myself enough time to shower and finalize my packing so that I could make my 7:06 plane. There was an earlier flight I could have taken that would have given me more time to make my connection, but that one left at 5:45 a.m. As I opted to luxuriate in a couple of hours extra sleep (a 1 a.m. wake-up is a bit too much at my tender age), I was concerned I might miss it.

Not to worry! When I arrived at the airport the check-in line wound in tight snake-like twists and turns, and then headed halfway up the hallway to the gates. Someone behind me announced that the airlines had cancelled both the 5:45 and the 7:06 and the line was composed of two planeloads of people trying to rebook their reservations.

What fun! It only took two hours to finally get to a reservations agent. I shouldn’t complain, however, because there were people much older than I who were similarly inconvenienced. They even required wheelchairs because that doggone line was so long that they thought they might pass out or crumple to their knees on the hard linoleum floor.

By the time I reached an agent, her likely once obliging smile was frozen in a frustrated grimace… no doubt having been the recipient of numerous angry complaints. And, yes, I added my own to her list. Try as I may, battling both the recorded voice “customer service” computer and the polite but unintelligible folks in India, I was stuck. Lucky me—I only had another seven hours to wait for an outbound flight. Instead of my anticipated 5 p.m. arrival, I got to inconvenience my brother by landing at midnight.

I remember flying with my mother and brother in the 1950s and loving the experience. We’d get all dressed up and settle into our comfy seats waiting for the familiar hum of the propellers to start-up and wend us on our way. The stewardesses were nattily attired in their fashionable uniforms, smiling and ever so helpful. They’d warm my brother’s baby bottles, and then sit next to me to play several hands of Old Maid, keeping me happily occupied and giving my mother a chance to relax.

Ah… the good old days! Do I sound grumpy and judgmental? Am I showing my years with a cantankerous, crotchety attitude? Well, YES, and I stand by all my wrinkled rectitude! As far as the airlines are concerned, a return to yesteryear and the gracious ways of an earlier era wouldn’t hurt. In fact, it would surely prove a boon to the flying public and make one old grumpy gal very, very pleased.

Yes, I admit it. I used to scoff at the young and technically savvy who went on about the “friends” they met over the Internet. “Friends?” I asked. “How can you call someone a friend when you’ve never even met?”

Well, I’m here to tell you that I have totally reversed my opinion on that one. In the past several months, since I’ve started blogging, I have become acquainted with some absolutely amazing women. Although we haven’t yet met face-to-face, or even spoken on the phone, I consider these ladies my friends. Some have left wonderful, uplifting comments on Feisty Side of Fifty. Some have linked to various posts I’ve written, and some have gone so far as to award me the honor of being a guest blogger on their sites.

However, there is a very special group I’d like to mention. The Baby Boomer Divas, a.k.a. Boomer Diva Nation, is an incredible pool of powerful and accomplished women—most of whom have already celebrated their half-century birthdays. Although they are all in midlife, the group is rich in diversity. The ladies hail from differing backgrounds, careers, and geographical areas, and from different races, ethnicities, and religions. The common theme is one that their leader, Beverly Mahone, stresses: women on the move and making a difference.

Mahone, who is a veteran journalist, author, media coach and motivational speaker, has written her own book on the many facets of aging. Whatever! A Baby Boomer’s Journey Into Middle Age takes a candid look at issues such as weight gain, menopause, and dating after forty, among others. After twenty-five years in radio and television, Mahone chose to become a work-at-home-mom. She now acts as a media consultant and counsels individuals as to how to best market themselves to radio, TV, and newspaper professionals. She’s a recognized expert on all things Boomer and has a radio show targeted to boomer women.

It is with great pleasure that I claim this talented and accomplished woman as my friend. She gifted me with an invitation to join the Boomer Diva Nation several months ago and, since that time, my life has changed… and all for the better! Through these ladies, I’ve been given wonderful and exciting opportunities to stretch myself personally and grow my career in new directions.

Beverly’s most recent gift to me was an opportunity to appear on her radio show, Whatever Live! I enjoyed the experience immensely—actually it was a blast. Beverly’s combination of professionalism, wonderful energy, and engaging personality make her the consummate radio host. I’d love to have you take a listen.

Yes, cyberspace or face-to-face, nothing beats a warm and caring friend. 

When was the last time you turned on the TV to find a face looking back at you that resembled your own? Yes, there are a few, but the names of these actresses no longer appear at the top of the credits. Even if they are series regulars, they usually play supporting roles: mothers, grandmothers, or recurring guest stars. It seems that, just like Elvis, the Golden Girls have left the building—or, more accurately, the soundstage.

Movies aren’t much better. If it weren’t for Diane Keaton and Meryl Streep, you could barely find a woman of a certain age gracing the big screen.

Well, that’s all about to change and, once again, social norms are reacting to the boomers and our numerical clout. Our famous bulge (and I’m talking population—not waistline) has served us well over the years, ensuring that our wishes and demands were heard. And, as older women in menopause, we’re not getting any less outspoken or assertive.  We want our due!

I came across an article in the Detroit Free Press that addressed how our generation is impacting Hollywood and the entertainment industry. They cite two current box office smashes: “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” with Harrison Ford, and the movie, “Sex in the City.”  At 65, Ford is a bit older than the leading edge boomers and, other than Kim Cattrall, the “City” stars are in their early forties, a bit younger than our years. So, the stars of these movies straddle both ends of our generation—and, of course, men are allowed to be the older ones. Still, this is progress!

I’m waiting for more films starring actresses in their fifties and sixties that have story-lines showcasing the lives of women in their post-menopausal years. These will feature real-life tales of love, passion, challenge, and triumph, and will reflect, with some creative license, what it’s like to grow older as a woman in our culture.

We’ve waited a long time for this, yet hope springs eternal. So, show me a wrinkle or two, let me hear the heroine grunt when she rises from a sitting position, let’s see her forget where she left her bifocals. I’m waiting to see myself, in all my wrinkled glory, reflected on the silver screen and so are 76 million of my peer group. Wake up Hollywood and smell the Geritol! 

Many of you read my last post entitled “Raise Your Havingness Quotient!”  Although I often write about this idea and firmly believe that women over fifty are, more than ever before, ready to own their power, at least, for me, it doesn’t hurt to revisit this concept from time to time. So, I’m sharing one of my very favorite quotes. It speaks to just this issue and I have it hanging in my office as a way of reminding myself that, yes indeed, I am powerful beyond measure…  and so are you!

You have probably seen this before because it has made the rounds. Nevertheless, the words of Marianne Williamson do serve to inspire and spark the genius that resides within each of us. A gentle reminder of our greatness can never be repeated too often.

         Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

         Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

         It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

         We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

         Actually, who are you not to be?

         Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

         There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people 

         won’t feel insecure around you.

         We were born to manifest the glory that is within us.

         It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

         And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people

         permission to do the same.

         As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

         Marianne Williamson

         A Return to Love 

You may be wondering what I’m talking about. But, there is such a thing as a “havingness quotient” and it’s worth examining and developing. I know, because I recently had my own shaken in ways I never could have imagined.

I have been working on a goal for over five years. When I started, it seemed far out of reach if not impossible. I encountered one hurdle after another and each success was followed by a disappointment. It was almost as if I’d take two steps forward and one step back.

However, I wanted this badly enough to persevere against the odds. My stubbornness kicked in and I doggedly put my nose to the grindstone despite the scrapes and scratches the grinding left on my poor proboscis.

Then a seeming miracle happened—things began to fall into place! I began to get recognized for my work and signs of support started to spring up where I’d least expected. I was ecstatic!

To my surprise, after the initial thrill and amazement began to wear off, I became anxious and began to fall into a funk. What if I couldn’t perform up to expectation? What if I were playing the imposter? What if I would fail? All these questions and doubts started to swirl through my brain and I began to feel immobilized.

But then, a dear friend who is also a therapist, mentioned that I might be struggling with issues related to my ability to “have.” She suggested I try a little exercise to measure my havingness quotient. It’s quite simple and, if you ever have doubts that you are deserving of an outcome, I suggest you give it a try.

Sit quietly, close your eyes and go inside. Imagine that you have a measuring stick running up your body and this gauges your feelings of worthiness for a particular result. It is marked from one to ten and acts like a barometer so that your score can raise and lower.

When I first attempted this, my ranking was a three—far from reaching my desired outcome. If you believe in the Law of Attraction, such a low score was sabotaging my chances for ultimate success. Aware of this, I’m now diligently practicing raising my havingness quotient. I check in frequently to see how high I can take my readings and I’m happy to say that I’m now a seven and climbing.

I pass this along so that each of you can raise your numbers and your potential. If you have spent valuable energy and time devoted to accomplishing a much desired goal, then it’s worth a bit of extra effort. Why not give this little exercise a try and make your own way to the top?