In her book about women’s second adulthood, Inventing the Rest of Our Lives, Suzanne Braun Levine provides us with some exiting data concerning the aging brain. Dr. Francine Benes, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, has discovered that there is a growth spurt that takes place in the human brain around the age of fifty. Myelin, which is the fatty layer that covers nerve fibers, actually grows about fifty percent during this time. This coating is responsible for aiding the brain to more effectively synthesize life experiences and to enhance the ability to make thoughtful judgments and prudent decisions.  

Even better, the location of this growth spurt is found within the area of the cerebral cortex that is identified with emotional learning. Perhaps, as Levine suggests, this myelin growth factor may likely play a part in creating the highly revered trait we call wisdom.

So, next time we search for our car keys, call our son by the dog’s name, or forget to tell our husband his boss phoned, we have to remember that somewhere in our noggin there’s a whole heap of wisdom going on!

Yes, for women over fifty, or, for that matter, most anyone of any age, modern travel isn’t easy. I just returned from a week’s trip to the heartland visiting my relatives and, although I had a wonderful time, the going wasn’t easy.

To start, I awoke at 3:45 a.m. to give myself enough time to shower and finalize my packing so that I could make my 7:06 plane. There was an earlier flight I could have taken that would have given me more time to make my connection, but that one left at 5:45 a.m. As I opted to luxuriate in a couple of hours extra sleep (a 1 a.m. wake-up is a bit too much at my tender age), I was concerned I might miss it.

Not to worry! When I arrived at the airport the check-in line wound in tight snake-like twists and turns, and then headed halfway up the hallway to the gates. Someone behind me announced that the airlines had cancelled both the 5:45 and the 7:06 and the line was composed of two planeloads of people trying to rebook their reservations.

What fun! It only took two hours to finally get to a reservations agent. I shouldn’t complain, however, because there were people much older than I who were similarly inconvenienced. They even required wheelchairs because that doggone line was so long that they thought they might pass out or crumple to their knees on the hard linoleum floor.

By the time I reached an agent, her likely once obliging smile was frozen in a frustrated grimace… no doubt having been the recipient of numerous angry complaints. And, yes, I added my own to her list. Try as I may, battling both the recorded voice “customer service” computer and the polite but unintelligible folks in India, I was stuck. Lucky me—I only had another seven hours to wait for an outbound flight. Instead of my anticipated 5 p.m. arrival, I got to inconvenience my brother by landing at midnight.

I remember flying with my mother and brother in the 1950s and loving the experience. We’d get all dressed up and settle into our comfy seats waiting for the familiar hum of the propellers to start-up and wend us on our way. The stewardesses were nattily attired in their fashionable uniforms, smiling and ever so helpful. They’d warm my brother’s baby bottles, and then sit next to me to play several hands of Old Maid, keeping me happily occupied and giving my mother a chance to relax.

Ah… the good old days! Do I sound grumpy and judgmental? Am I showing my years with a cantankerous, crotchety attitude? Well, YES, and I stand by all my wrinkled rectitude! As far as the airlines are concerned, a return to yesteryear and the gracious ways of an earlier era wouldn’t hurt. In fact, it would surely prove a boon to the flying public and make one old grumpy gal very, very pleased.

Yes, I admit it. I used to scoff at the young and technically savvy who went on about the “friends” they met over the Internet. “Friends?” I asked. “How can you call someone a friend when you’ve never even met?”

Well, I’m here to tell you that I have totally reversed my opinion on that one. In the past several months, since I’ve started blogging, I have become acquainted with some absolutely amazing women. Although we haven’t yet met face-to-face, or even spoken on the phone, I consider these ladies my friends. Some have left wonderful, uplifting comments on Feisty Side of Fifty. Some have linked to various posts I’ve written, and some have gone so far as to award me the honor of being a guest blogger on their sites.

However, there is a very special group I’d like to mention. The Baby Boomer Divas, a.k.a. Boomer Diva Nation, is an incredible pool of powerful and accomplished women—most of whom have already celebrated their half-century birthdays. Although they are all in midlife, the group is rich in diversity. The ladies hail from differing backgrounds, careers, and geographical areas, and from different races, ethnicities, and religions. The common theme is one that their leader, Beverly Mahone, stresses: women on the move and making a difference.

Mahone, who is a veteran journalist, author, media coach and motivational speaker, has written her own book on the many facets of aging. Whatever! A Baby Boomer’s Journey Into Middle Age takes a candid look at issues such as weight gain, menopause, and dating after forty, among others. After twenty-five years in radio and television, Mahone chose to become a work-at-home-mom. She now acts as a media consultant and counsels individuals as to how to best market themselves to radio, TV, and newspaper professionals. She’s a recognized expert on all things Boomer and has a radio show targeted to boomer women.

It is with great pleasure that I claim this talented and accomplished woman as my friend. She gifted me with an invitation to join the Boomer Diva Nation several months ago and, since that time, my life has changed… and all for the better! Through these ladies, I’ve been given wonderful and exciting opportunities to stretch myself personally and grow my career in new directions.

Beverly’s most recent gift to me was an opportunity to appear on her radio show, Whatever Live! I enjoyed the experience immensely—actually it was a blast. Beverly’s combination of professionalism, wonderful energy, and engaging personality make her the consummate radio host. I’d love to have you take a listen.

Yes, cyberspace or face-to-face, nothing beats a warm and caring friend. 

When was the last time you turned on the TV to find a face looking back at you that resembled your own? Yes, there are a few, but the names of these actresses no longer appear at the top of the credits. Even if they are series regulars, they usually play supporting roles: mothers, grandmothers, or recurring guest stars. It seems that, just like Elvis, the Golden Girls have left the building—or, more accurately, the soundstage.

Movies aren’t much better. If it weren’t for Diane Keaton and Meryl Streep, you could barely find a woman of a certain age gracing the big screen.

Well, that’s all about to change and, once again, social norms are reacting to the boomers and our numerical clout. Our famous bulge (and I’m talking population—not waistline) has served us well over the years, ensuring that our wishes and demands were heard. And, as older women in menopause, we’re not getting any less outspoken or assertive.  We want our due!

I came across an article in the Detroit Free Press that addressed how our generation is impacting Hollywood and the entertainment industry. They cite two current box office smashes: “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” with Harrison Ford, and the movie, “Sex in the City.”  At 65, Ford is a bit older than the leading edge boomers and, other than Kim Cattrall, the “City” stars are in their early forties, a bit younger than our years. So, the stars of these movies straddle both ends of our generation—and, of course, men are allowed to be the older ones. Still, this is progress!

I’m waiting for more films starring actresses in their fifties and sixties that have story-lines showcasing the lives of women in their post-menopausal years. These will feature real-life tales of love, passion, challenge, and triumph, and will reflect, with some creative license, what it’s like to grow older as a woman in our culture.

We’ve waited a long time for this, yet hope springs eternal. So, show me a wrinkle or two, let me hear the heroine grunt when she rises from a sitting position, let’s see her forget where she left her bifocals. I’m waiting to see myself, in all my wrinkled glory, reflected on the silver screen and so are 76 million of my peer group. Wake up Hollywood and smell the Geritol! 

Many of you read my last post entitled “Raise Your Havingness Quotient!”  Although I often write about this idea and firmly believe that women over fifty are, more than ever before, ready to own their power, at least, for me, it doesn’t hurt to revisit this concept from time to time. So, I’m sharing one of my very favorite quotes. It speaks to just this issue and I have it hanging in my office as a way of reminding myself that, yes indeed, I am powerful beyond measure…  and so are you!

You have probably seen this before because it has made the rounds. Nevertheless, the words of Marianne Williamson do serve to inspire and spark the genius that resides within each of us. A gentle reminder of our greatness can never be repeated too often.

         Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

         Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

         It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

         We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

         Actually, who are you not to be?

         Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

         There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people 

         won’t feel insecure around you.

         We were born to manifest the glory that is within us.

         It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

         And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people

         permission to do the same.

         As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

         Marianne Williamson

         A Return to Love 

You may be wondering what I’m talking about. But, there is such a thing as a “havingness quotient” and it’s worth examining and developing. I know, because I recently had my own shaken in ways I never could have imagined.

I have been working on a goal for over five years. When I started, it seemed far out of reach if not impossible. I encountered one hurdle after another and each success was followed by a disappointment. It was almost as if I’d take two steps forward and one step back.

However, I wanted this badly enough to persevere against the odds. My stubbornness kicked in and I doggedly put my nose to the grindstone despite the scrapes and scratches the grinding left on my poor proboscis.

Then a seeming miracle happened—things began to fall into place! I began to get recognized for my work and signs of support started to spring up where I’d least expected. I was ecstatic!

To my surprise, after the initial thrill and amazement began to wear off, I became anxious and began to fall into a funk. What if I couldn’t perform up to expectation? What if I were playing the imposter? What if I would fail? All these questions and doubts started to swirl through my brain and I began to feel immobilized.

But then, a dear friend who is also a therapist, mentioned that I might be struggling with issues related to my ability to “have.” She suggested I try a little exercise to measure my havingness quotient. It’s quite simple and, if you ever have doubts that you are deserving of an outcome, I suggest you give it a try.

Sit quietly, close your eyes and go inside. Imagine that you have a measuring stick running up your body and this gauges your feelings of worthiness for a particular result. It is marked from one to ten and acts like a barometer so that your score can raise and lower.

When I first attempted this, my ranking was a three—far from reaching my desired outcome. If you believe in the Law of Attraction, such a low score was sabotaging my chances for ultimate success. Aware of this, I’m now diligently practicing raising my havingness quotient. I check in frequently to see how high I can take my readings and I’m happy to say that I’m now a seven and climbing.

I pass this along so that each of you can raise your numbers and your potential. If you have spent valuable energy and time devoted to accomplishing a much desired goal, then it’s worth a bit of extra effort. Why not give this little exercise a try and make your own way to the top? 

My dear friend, Dahlynn McKowen, an amazing lady who’s an award winning author and highly respected editor, turned me on to a most wonderful site. I just had to share it.

It’s called Design-her Gals and it’s an innovative stationery company that allows you to create your own likeness and affix it to invitations, note cards, and the like. The fun part is that you can make yourself into quite the dish and then adorn your body with designer outfits and accessories that make for a fashionable new you. No bad hair days here!

But, even more than that, there is an important mission behind the fun. Design-her Gals was founded by Jeanne Fitzmaurice, who lost both her cousin and her best friend to Stage IV Breast Cancer. In their honor, she also created the Gal to Gal Foundation and five percent of every sale goes to the non-profit. If you choose, you can donate directly and support this important organization.

Over 300,000 patients worldwide will lose their lives to Stage IV Breast Cancer this year. Funds are often scarce for those in this critical stage, when health insurance benefits may be reduced or cancelled, family bank accounts become depleted, and hospice care is hard to find. This is where the Gal to Gal foundation steps in. Their main beneficiary is an organization called “Making Memories.”

Making Memories is dedicated to making a wish come true for women and men who are losing their battle against breast cancer. The wishes and memory-making events they bestow allow the individual the opportunity to put aside the realities of their illness, enjoy themselves, and leave one final, beautiful memory for their family.

So, take some time to visit this remarkable site and take full advantage of the combination of creativity and a  cause. You’ll end up having a lot of fun and helping to make a lasting memory all at the same time. 

In this world, it is difficult sometimes for us to figure out what we wish to do or how to get to where we want to go in our lives. Well, Amy Sherman, author of “Distress Free Aging” has written a book to help baby boomers creative a purposeful life.

I had an opportunity to ask Amy a few questions about her book:

What do you think is one of the biggest challenges for boomers as we age? There are many challenges, but one of the biggest is having to deal with our aging parents, while we’re still raising our kids and trying to fit it all in while we’re working full time.  Some other challenges include realizing that we, ourselves, are aging and unable to fulfill our dreams.  This challenge leaves us disillusioned and disenchanted with our prospects and sometimes at a loss with what to do.  Of course, a shift in perspective, some inspiration, good solid goals and strong motivation can change all that and transform us into who we want to be, if we are willing.

 Is our generation facing unique stresses that those who came before us did not?  I think we recognize that we are stressed more than previous generations.   It’s the new “buzz” word of our times.  Technology has also added to our stress, with communication between generations easier and with obligations greater. 

 How do women cope differently than men? Women are naturally more emotional, more sensitive, and can recognize their feelings easier than men.  Women also participate in more self-help workshops, which gives them greater insight and skills to cope with their challenges.    Women, in general may be more open to alternative ways of thinking and behaving than men, just because they are natural nurturers and mediators, always trying to smooth things out and foster cooperation.

 Please provide one or two simple strategies we can use to de-stress our lives.

Designate jobs to others so you don’t have to feel overwhelmed.  We sometimes feel we have to do everything, but there’s lots of help out there available when you ask.

Also, make sure you have time for yourself by meditating, doing yoga, exercising, reading, etc.  There should be no guilt expressed for having a few minutes to yourself, just because you deserve it.

Yesterday this blog tour was with Phyllis Goldberg at http://www.hermentorcenter.com and tomorrow the blog tour will be with Kathryn Little’s blog with http://www.princesstrinkadink.blogspot.com

Okay, ladies—let’s get real. When most of us gals over fifty say we’re “hanging loose,” the phrase has taken on an entirely new meaning. Yes, I must confess that a lot of me has morphed into flesh that settles into loose folds whenever I sit, bend, or button a waistband. I do try to keep up with my aerobics and even lift weights a couple of times a week. Yet, despite my efforts, gravity seems to be tugging extra hard these days.

Thankfully, the entrepreneurial spirit is alive and well in American authors and they are writing a number of books to cash in on aging boomers and our worries over the visible signs of growing older. Not long ago, I came across an article in USA Today that discussed the latest crop of anti-aging books filled with dos and don’ts for the mature woman. Each of them looks interesting to me as I’m hoping to hang on to whatever looks I have left. But, I do have my limits!

The article suggests that a woman in her fifties or sixties is pleased to be alive (rather than dead by this age of decrepitude) but that she can’t pass a mirror without averting her eyes. Now, maybe my vision is going faster than I’d thought but I can still look myself in the mirror without gagging or fleeing the scene totally repulsed by the appallingly wizened reflection.

Shockingly, I like myself better now than when I was younger and so do most of my friends. Why not write a book about that? Yes, it may be important to look our best at any age. And, yes, looks do affect our self-esteem but so does a lifetime of growth and development. I may not wear my wrinkles proudly but I don’t despise them either. A lifetime of friends and laughter, memories and family, and challenges and triumphs more than makes up for a few lines. And, no one need avert her eyes at that!

The Mayonnaise Jar and Two Cups of Coffee

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and two cups of coffee…

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “yes.” The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions. If everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and hobbies. The sand is everything else—the small stuff. “If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there’s no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.”

The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you’ll never have room for the things that are important to you. So… pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness:

·      Enjoy your children and grandchildren

·      Make special time to celebrate with your partner

·      Play every day.

·      Be grateful for your blessings.

“Take care of the golf balls first — the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked.” It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”

A very happy Mothers Day to each of you. This is a grand golf ball indeed!