In my last post I mentioned I wanted to explore the topic of achieving balance in several areas of our lives. The first days of January are the perfect time to broach this subject as many of us feel out of sorts after the excesses of the holidays. We may have eaten too much, we’ve undoubtedly felt the stress of living up to Norman Rockwell expectations for the “spirit of the season,” and we’ve probably ignored important health habits like regular exercise and getting sufficient rest in favor of various holiday obligations. Nevertheless, as we retire our 2008 calendars in favor of the 2009 version, we literally get a fresh start and a whole new set of blank pages to work with. So, let’s make the most of them and reevaluate our direction and our goals for the New Year.

This is a great time to tend to some of the areas of your life that you may have been neglecting and there’s a straightforward little exercise that can help you do just that. Draw a pie chart and put a circle in the middle. The circle represents YOU. The various pieces of the pie that radiate out from YOU should include things like: family, health and wellbeing, social relationships, learning and intellectual stimulation, spiritual practices, community involvement, leisure and fun, and satisfying work. Give each piece a ranking from one to five; five representing excellence and fulfillment, and one meaning you have work to do in this area.

This simple pie chart can be a powerful tool to start you thinking and draw your focus to aspects of your life that require care and attention. As we grow older, we become more introspective and have a natural tendency to want to actualize our total being in the fullness of all our facets and complexities. Awareness is the crucial first step to making necessary changes.

The next steps call for action and one of my favorite blogs just added a post on this very topic. Create Your Future quotes an article by Jack Canfield entitled, “Decide What You Want for Yourself in 2009.” In his piece, Canfield addresses the subject of balance and provides suggestions for creating goals in various areas of your life. I heartily suggest that you give yourself the gift of reading this inspiring and informative article.

If you’re a woman over fifty, you’ve undoubtedly sacrificed parts of yourself over the years in service to meeting the needs of family and friends. In fact, many of us have a history of putting ourselves and our desires last on our own to-do lists. So it’s high time to bring a whole new balancing act into your life. Let 2009 become your richest and most satisfying year. As a fully formed woman with the gifts of age and perspective, it’s your time to shine and do so in each and every aspect of your being. 

Ta-da! We’ve made it! 2008 was a difficult year for many of us. If you’re over fifty, you’ve likely seen a large portion of your life savings melt away and your homes drop in value just when you’d finally paid off that wretched mortgage. As boomers, this current major economic downturn was truly unexpected. Financial hardship was the lot of our parents’ generation—certainly not ours.

Despite the obvious, however, there is an underlying reservoir of strength and spunk that will sustain us throughout these tough times. In fact, as boomer women, we’ve already displayed our courage and tenacity in overcoming tremendous odds. In a single generation, we’ve blasted away three thousand years of male domination to carve out a totally new role for women: equality in the home and in the workplace. So, a little economic hardship ain’t gonna stop us now.

In fact, we’ll just get a bit more creative, support one another even more, and dig our way out of this. I’m betting that 2009 will be a year of great transformation and a coming together of people. We’ve got a new administration that supports these goals and, according to numerology, 2009 (2+0+0+9=11, 1+1=2) is a “2” year. This means the new annum should be a time of “balance and union.” With these ends in mind, I’m going to start series of posts on bringing balance back into our lives in several areas: health, career, relationships, spirituality, and others.

People call this time “the dead of winter.” It is anything but. As the weather chills and the days are marked by early darkness, we yearn to go inside—both physically and through our own internal thoughts. It’s a time for reflection, for reassessment, and for gathering ideas and energy for the rebirth of spring.

So, let’s take some time, come together in shared reflection, assess our lives, and make our plans to move forward with renewed vigor. 2009 is a brand new fresh start and we, as women over fifty, are both ready and able to make the most of it!

Sometimes growing older can bring on feelings of depression. If you’re a woman over fifty, you’ve undoubtedly had to face some less than happy realities. The body you inhabit has likely wrinkled and widened, dearly held relationships have grown distant and sour, and cherished loved ones have passed away. The holidays, a notoriously happy time of year, can actually bring on feelings of loss and sadness as we contemplate how our lives have changed with the passing of time.

So, if you’re feeling the holiday blues, I’d like to make a small suggestion. You might want to check out the work of Dr. Martin Seligman. He’s a well-known psychologist and author of several books. His site is called “Authentic Happiness” and his mission is to promote the field of Positive Psychology. Rather than focusing on an individual’s pathology, Seligman looks towards all things positive.

There are a variety of free questionnaires you can take that measure various personality traits relating to the art of happiness. These include scales on general happiness, optimism, gratitude, and overall life satisfaction. There are also several resources, articles, and newsletters you can access at no charge. Seligman’s site is one of the most valuable I’ve found, and it can get you thinking in new and positive ways. I encourage you to check it out—especially if you’re feeling stressed and out of sorts, two common emotions that surface during “the season to be jolly.”

Who knows? Following Seligman’s advice might be the first step to changing your mood and your inner reality. Plus, there’s a huge bonus to being happy: studies show that happy people live up to nine years longer than those who are chronically depressed. So, here’s to a hearty “ho-ho-ho” and to the enjoyment of authentically happy holidays!  

Remember the joy of anticipation on Christmas Eve—being so excited you could hardly fall asleep? Remember waking your parents early on Christmas morning because you weren’t allowed to see what Santa brought until they shared in your wide-eyed excitement of that special day? Remember the flurry of tearing wrapping paper and ripping off bows to get at those treasured presents?

We children of the fifties were fortunate indeed. Many of our parents suffered untold hardships and deprivation; their formative years had been marred by the Great Depression and, later, by the harsh realities of World War II. But most of our moms and dads did all they could to make our childhoods better than their own. They gifted us with Besty Wetsy, Tiny Tears, and Ballerina dolls. They raised our competitive spirits with board games like Monopoly, Concentration, and Operation. Our stockings bulged with holiday edibles: chocolate Santas, candy canes, nuts, and oranges. For many young families, the fifties were a time of relative prosperity and parents wanted to shower their children with goodies they’d never known.

It is with these sentiments that I think of the young parents of today who want to give their own children a “Christmas to remember.” How difficult it must be in this economy to celebrate the season of giving when you’re worried about making the rent. How many chocolate Santas can you buy when you’re scrimping to purchase basic necessities? How jolly can you be when you’re unemployed and fearful that your next job might be months away?

So, as a reminder to myself and others of my generation, let’s make the time to run by the toy store and grab an extra gift. Let’s drop a box of candy canes into our shopping basket. If we have a few extra dollars, let’s consider donating them to a cause we feel deeply about. There are plenty of bins and baskets and other opportunities to share.

After all, our generation has been blessed in many ways. And one of the hallmarks of the boomer mindset was to make the world a better place. (Yes, we are the peace and love generation.) So, let’s spread that love around. It ‘tis the season and we are the just the ones to help those less fortunate than ourselves enjoy a few small luxuries in celebration of the holidays. Together we will ring in a another and, hopefully, much better New Year. 

Let me say it one more time: “Happy ho-ho-holidays!”

We are now deep into the delights of December with its sleigh bells ringing, chestnuts roasting, crowds a-rushing, and stress arising. It’s supposed to be the “happiest time of year,” and although I’ve cut way back on shopping, decorating, baking and all the rest, I can still get a bit cranky. Encountering throngs of other harried hunters of the ideal gift and waiting in endless lines sets my varicose veins to throbbing, and my back hurts when I carry too many bags around. Now how feisty is that?

Yet, just when I think I might be bah humbug incarnate, I’ll hear one of my favorite carols, get a card from a far-off friend, or see the glow on an excited child’s face. It’s then I realize how much the holidays really mean.  This time of year is a wonderful time to reconnect with those who have meant so much over the years and there’s nothing more precious than spending time with family.

I haven’t been lucky enough to have grandchildren, so don’t know that special connection, but I can imagine it’s got to be a blessing beyond words. And the holidays truly would be the “happiest time of year” when sharing them with lots of little tikes full of excitement and enthusiasm.

So, to all of you out there, I send my warmest wishes for this very special season. Leave the stress behind and ring your sleigh bells, roast your chestnuts, and simply enjoy!

Now that I’ve turned the page on my calendar and revealed “December” printed gaily in big, bright red letters at the top of the following sheet, I can feel my stomach start to tighten. (And this is no easy feat after the hearty Thanksgiving meal I consumed!) I don’t know about you, but the beginning of the twelfth month of the year, puts the daze into holidays for me.

I think it must be some type of throwback to my younger years when I tried to make Christmas the ideal experience for one and all. Of course, I spent days roaming the mall attempting to select the perfect gifts and garments for family and friends. I’d agonize over whether Patty would prefer the green or the blue sweater, and then usually end up buying both. She, of course, would return them and get something she really wanted.

I’d also bake fifteen different types of cookies, arrange them on festively designed plates, and then drive them all over town dropping them by to friends and neighbors. I’d festoon every inch of my living room with garlands and bows, and spend hours deciding where to hang each of the hundreds of ornaments on the tree.

In fact with the Christmas tree, the decorations, the cards, the cookies, the gifts, and preparing several holiday dinners to boot, I’d usually wind up sick by the start of the New Year. At a minimum, I’d get what I lovingly referred to as “Christmas neck,” which was where my stress landed and made its home.

Now, however, as I write these words, I can feel a rather smug smile cross my face. I’m realizing another huge gift of being over fifty! I no longer bake fifteen types of cookies—at our age, who wants the fat and sugar? I no longer agonize over gifts and over spend—at our age, who needs dozens of green and blue sweaters? I no longer take hours to decorate the house—at our age, who’s still hanging stockings? (Unless, of course, you’ve got a houseful of grandchildren and then you’ll be hanging them with glee.) And, best of all, I no longer get “Christmas neck!”

For all these glorious reasons and more, I say a hearty “ho-ho-ho” and wish each of you a very happy and stress-free (okay—almost) December!

If you’re a women over fifty, I’m guessing you’ve already heard several variations of the 80/20 rule: you wear 20% of your cloths 80% of the time (so watch out for those super expensive, special occasion purchases), finding a job is 80% who you know and 20% what you know (so be sure to spend 80% of your time networking), etc. But I just learned a new 80/20 rule that really struck home with me. I just had to pass it along.

A friend of mine was doing some organizational development work with a large firm. As a method of breaking the ice and promoting a more informal exchange of ideas, the various OD consultants were seated around large tables with representatives from the organization.

After the initial get acquainted chitchat, the conversation turned to business issues. My friend was seated at a table with all women except for one older gentleman. She already knew that he was a senior executive and played a key role in strategic planning for the firm. At first, he sat quietly and listened to the concerns of the women employees. However, after a few minutes, he offered an extremely interesting observation.

The executive remarked, “I’ve been hearing your frustrations and analyzing the reasons behind them for some time now, and it dawned on me that there’s a fundamental difference between how most men approach business challenges versus how some women handle them. You are often smarter, make better leaders, and have greater communication and people skills than men. But when asked to do something new, you’ll often focus on your lack of experience and appear insecure. It’s like the old 80/20 rule: if a guy only knows 20% of something, he’ll act more like he’s 80% sure of his skills and experience, while the reverse is frequently true for you. In my opinion, this is one of the major drawbacks that keeps women from achieving at higher levels within an organization. It’s not so much the glass ceiling anymore, it’s the 80/20 rule.”

When my friend told me this story, it really got me to thinking. How many times had I held myself back from challenges because I only felt 20% sure of becoming successful? How many times did I actually know 80% of the needed skills but focused on the 20% I didn’t have?  Could I have gone 80% further in my career had I not dwelled on the 20% I may have lacked?

I encourage each of you to think about your own, internal 80/20 rules: are they moving you forward or are they holding you back? If the latter is true, how can you reframe your thinking, refocus your energies, and pursue your goals—going after them not with 20%, not with 80%, but with 100%! If you do, you might well find yourself going 80% further in just 20% of the time!

Women over fifty experience significant change in their lives, not the least of which is seeing beloved children leave the nest and head out to pursue goals and dreams of their own. In my last post, I suggested that recently displaced mothers “feather their nests” with new interests and linked to my  TV appearance where a therapist and I discussed that very topic.

Now I’d like to introduce you to a wonderful book by Catherine Goldhammer entitled, Winging It: Dispatches from an (Almost) Empty Nest. Catherine shares her very personal story of seeing her daughter, her only child, spread her wings and fly off to follow her newly claimed independence. Here’s what Catherine had to say about her experience:

What made you want to write this book?

When I had the realization that my daughter was really getting ready to go off on her own, I wanted to talk about how that felt and what it meant to me as a mother and as a person.  I thought that the book would be about independence and separation, but it ended up being about connection, between me and her, but also between me and my past and the thoughts of the future.

Did writing it help you deal with the “empty nest?”

It did.  I really expected to have a very hard time when my daughter went off to college, but it was easier than I thought it would be.  Part of that came from writing the book, but I was also surprised to discover how really ready we were to be away from each other, in the best of possible ways. 

How else did writing the book affect you?

The book surprised me by becoming a way of looking at other parts of my life:  my childhood, my family of origin, my “wild” youth!  It became a way of seeing my life, not just as a series of disconnected parts, but as a whole story.  It also became a way of thinking about my relationship with my mother, and in doing so I came to realize and be grateful for the impact she has had on the way I see the world. 

What would you like to see people take away from this book?

It’s not an easy thing to allow our relationships with our children to change and grow, and to allow ourselves to change and grow, too.  In writing the book I was able to have a few laughs at parts of that journey, and to come to see it as a good and necessary experience.  My hope is that readers will join me in that adventure.

Catherine was also kind enough to share an excerpt from Winging It:

The summer she was fifteen my daughter left for a college program in philosophy.  It was the longest she’d ever been away from home, and she, of course, did fine. 

And so did I, mostly.  Just one lost weekend and a few weekdays given to wandering around clueless.  But once I got into the swing of it, I got a lot done.  I made phone calls, moved my office, made a Web site, and mailed the publication announcements for my first book.  I had a certain kind of energy that comes with time and the ability to concentrate.  I felt virtuous and productive.  I had that reaching-out sort of feeling.  The anything could happen now feeling.  I was vital.  I was on the upswing. 

Then, in the back and forth of the text messages and phones calls my daughter and I exchanged, I began to understand what the next seismic shift in my life was going to be.  You have your children and you can’t possibly imagine that one day they will walk off toward their own future without you.  And then it happens and you have to let them go. It wasn’t that I didn’t know this.  Not to get all Kahlil Gibran about it, but our children really are the arrows we send out into the future, and I knew that my daughter was walking toward the moment with intent, and that she was way ahead of me in readiness.  According to my friends who had been there before me, knowing it didn’t necessarily help.

“We pour everything into them,” an uncommonly gentle friend said with uncharacteristically bitter humor.  “And then they leave us, the little bastards.”

And so, after years and years—of scraping oatmeal off the floor with a spatula, retrieving plastic octopi from the mouths of toddlers, navigating the shoals of kindergarten and friendships and boyfriends, driver’s licenses, the specters of sex, drugs, and alcohol, the bands with their poetic lyrics, the brain-sucking nightmare of Facebook, the iPod with its thousands of songs, the singing lessons, the art classes, the heart-stopping riding lessons with their massive horses and five-foot jumps, the ambitions and passions and dreams —you finally see it on the horizon. There you are.  You.  About to be returned to yourself.

For more information about Winging It, or to order the book, check out Catherine’s website at www.catherinegoldhammer.com.

One of the most difficult transitions women face is the double blockbuster hit of going through the hormonal havoc of peri-menopause at the same time their nest is emptying. It seems that at the very stage your children are rebelling and leaving you, both emotionally and physically, your very own body is rebelling and leaving you too. You get the sense that living inside your skin is no longer a familiar place (both emotionally and physically) and it’s an uncomfortable experience indeed. 

My friend, Mags, over at The Magnolia Diaries has a great post on some of the very real and distressing symptoms that many women experience. These are by no means easy to endure and peri-menopause can be a time of genuine suffering.

Nevertheless, as someone on the other side of the change, I’m telling you to hang on. Full-fledged menopause is just around the corner and it’s a wonderful period in a woman’s life, if you look at it that way. Menopause brings about emotional and hormonal equilibrium, revitalizes your energies, and gives you the nudge to “go for it”—it’s your time and you’ve earned it.

I was recently on the television talk show View From the Bay with my friend, Maure Quilter, Marriage Family Therapist, discussing this very topic. (The segment is only a couple of minutes and I’d love to have you take a look.) 

After menopause, ratios of testosterone to estrogen rise and women experience a merging of their male and female energies. Although nurturing will always be part of our make-up, we have an increasingly insistent drive to express ourselves and leave our unique mark upon the world.

So, go out there and feather your own nest with new interests, take risks and expand your own horizons. Step away from familiar behavior and head for new and exciting directions and goals. This truly IS your time and you HAVE earned it!

As a leading edge baby boomer woman, I’ve been facing some of the less than fabulous telltale signs of aging. In fact, my body parts seem to slipping and sliding with a vengeance and landing right around my middle. As my friend Caryn Leschen says, “Just when you’re getting it all together, your body falls apart!”

Well, I’m happy to say, there are things we can do about this unfortunate turn of events. I interviewed Pam Archer, a fitness coach, on Feisty Side of Fifty Radio this morning and she had some simple and effective tips to help us shed those unwanted pounds. I’m going to follow one of her great suggestions and turn on my favorite Motown tunes while I’m cleaning up the kitchen. It will make the chore a whole lot more fun and have me “sweating to the oldies” and burning calories at the same time. Movement with music is also a terrific mood lifter. You get endorphins with a beat and that can’t help but make you happy.

Exercise in any form is truly the fountain of youth. It aides your health and well being in a number of ways: it oxygenates your brain and makes it function better, it wards off serious illnesses like cancer and heart disease, it strengthens your bones, and it tones your muscles. Another fabulous side effect of exercise—it boosts your metabolism so you can eat more without gaining weight! Each pound of muscle on the body burns an additional 40 - 120 calories daily while each pound of fat burns a puny 1- 3.

So, next time you’re feeling blue and lethargic and feel like being a sedentary senior couch spud, put a little music on. Make sure it conforms to what the legendary spinner of songs, Dick Clark, told us: “It’s got a great beat and you can dance to it.” Then turn up the volume; dust off your blue suede shoes, and dance, dance, dance!