Who me? Elderly?!
As baby boomer women, we’re reveling in our prime years—our trademark spirit and legendary rebellious attitude intact. We’re far from relegating ourselves to the rocking chair. Heck no! We’re still rockin’ like it’s 1999!
Nevertheless, every once in a while, we experience an event that truly shakes us to our core. I had one a while back and it was a doozey.
It happened while I was already somewhat stressed, sitting in the dentist’s chair getting my teeth cleaned. Upon first glance at my pearly whites, the hygienist (who was no spring chicken herself) mentioned how gratified she was to see an elderly woman who still had all of her teeth. Now mind you, I was sitting in that blasted chair, I had my mouth wide open, and she was looking intently at MY full set of teeth. I realized, to my growing shock, that there might be an infinitesimal possibility she could be referring to ME as “elderly!”
My emotions ran the gamut from stunned disbelief to sheer horror. At any rate, had she not been holding the scraping tool at the time, I might have been tempted to bite one of her probing fingers and clamp down hard. That offending hygienist would have quickly learned to restrict her comments to wondering, “Where the yellow went” and abstain from any further references to my incisors as “elderly.” Regrettably, I only smiled and swallowed hard. But next time anyone who dares utter that terrible word in my direction will undoubtedly suffer the consequences.
So a word of caution to those of you who interact with us boomers: we don’t mind “middle-aged” and will even tolerate “seniors.” But if you try calling us “elderly,” watch out. They don’t call this the feisty side of fifty for nothing!
Posts
August 4th, 2012 at 2:20 am
I so sympathise! Check out my latest blog on my website http://www.jkretirement.co.uk about something shocking of the same kind that happened to me on the London Undergound! Reactions to my story have been so extraordinary. Young people and men are outraged at my upset. Women of a 50+ get it more. Let me know what you think.
February 11th, 2012 at 3:06 am
I was talking to an authority the other day changing bank details..and the lady said..are you the grandparent of this child..I laughed loud..and said no actually I gave bith to my son at 44….so that makes me his mother…could hear her clear her throat..sorry but as your this age I naturally assumed youd be his grandparent…very quickly I said..do you know the word assumed well…what do you mean she replied…well I said…assume makes an ass out of you and me!!!! will be young forever xx
January 19th, 2012 at 3:07 pm
Many years ago when I was just turning forty, I over heard a little girl call me an old lady to her mother. Mind you she was just about four or five years old. Never the less, I was stunned. I never thought of myself as old. Just recently an Adult Cyber Bully who is forty made a comment about me being near death because I just turned sixty. Hey if Betty White is ninety, my daughters grandmother died in Nov. at the age of 100, I still could possibly have another forty years left. Well, as long as I cram enough living into each day I will enjoy life!
December 30th, 2011 at 11:04 pm
I was in small local town before Christmas and they were having a “Santa sings carols for children’s hospital” event. There were around 200 people dressed as Santa. There was a young man dressed as Santa with a pile of his friends in the street and as I passed He looked at me and said “Have you been a good girl this year?”I just looked at him and said “No” and he shouted after me all the way down the street. “You naughty old woman .What have you been doing? His friends whooped and whistled. Must say whilst quite embarrassing it did make my day. He clearly didn’t think I was past it.
December 12th, 2011 at 5:42 am
Thus far, I guess I have been lucky with the word elderly. No one has directly called me that but the looks that some folks give me say differently. Actually, it has just been in the last year that I have noticed this. It appears that everyone is in such a hurry. I prefer not to rush any more. In grocery stores, it is as though they want to run me down with shopping carts. Then not to speak of the people on the parking lots, Oh No! Like you I am a boomer and I do not mind the word senior but anymore than that makes me a bit touchy. I never did care for stereotyping even when I was young. People just need to get over it! Some day they will be my age. I hope I am around when it happens to some of them. Thanks for the read. It was great!
December 12th, 2011 at 5:29 am
We should create a major movement to educate media about eliminating ageism. When I read or hear a news report referring to an “elderly” woman who is later said to be sixty-six, I’m so-o-o-o irritated. What is the point/benefit of using the word? It connotes someone who is helpless, useless, over the hill, lacking in vibrancy, history or relevance. Just say the age, if necessary….I know vibrant, independent people who are 100 and younger in spirit and outlook than some thirty year olds, and doing quite well, thank you.
October 24th, 2011 at 5:28 am
The dictionary defines elderly as old or aging. You’re neither if you have a sense of fun and a lot of positive energy. Love your comments, Eileen and hope you’ll always keep us laughing––but maybe you should have bitten her just for the heck of it!
April 2nd, 2011 at 9:41 am
Ha! In my late fifties (now), my husband and I left the corporate world to start a new and wonderful business. We are thriving and loving it so much we feel like energizer bunnies – but with lots more savvy and class! Elderly … * poof *
March 8th, 2011 at 2:08 am
You get ‘em girl!! lol Thanks for sharing this at a time when many women are still struggling to express themselves….age is nothing but a number, not a state of mind! Elderly??? Try older AND wiser!
February 5th, 2011 at 9:15 am
In a word: Diva. In two words: Elder Chicks. The latter phrase is the name of a very savvy web site that belongs to women over the age of 60 and I find myself drawn to it for inspiration as I move closer to that age.
Perhaps those “elder chicks” are on to something.
December 28th, 2010 at 11:02 pm
Evocative post, Eileen! I agree with Gaea. In Native American society, “elders” are revered and considered the wise sages with a place in the tribe to be envied. It’s because of the generally negative attitude toward aging in Western society that “elderly” feels insulting. I like the word sage myself and often talk about cool saging as opposed to aging. Even in winter when my arthritis is kicking and my body is telling me in no uncertain terms I’m not a kid anymore; I’ll never be my grandmother’s version of old! Here’s to finding language that fits the boomer generation’s version of accumulated years. Blessings to all us young-at-hearts reading this. Remember the Ya-Ya Sisterhood? Maybe we should be the YAH-YAH’s for Young at Heart.
December 16th, 2010 at 1:14 pm
In 1978 when I was an 18-year-old rookie radio newswriter, I used the word “elderly” to describe someone in a news story. My senior editor (who was all of 25 at the time) told me never to use that word, because it was far too subjective. He was a great teacher and mentor and it really stuck with me. I’ve used the word sparingly every since and I always give it long, hard thought before I do. Elderly carries a connotation of feeble, frail, not altogether “there”. Why don’t we all agree to strike it out of our language, at least among us?
I refer to myself as an Old Broad and comment on my Old Broadhood. I work with lots of 20 and 30 somethings and they love it. I’m a 50-year old triathlete, BTW.
November 8th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
This is a really interesting post.
I’m the Community Manager of an online dating and networking site for baby boomers called http://www.50and.com
50and because you’re 50 and fabulous, 50 and fun, and so on.
Key words we’ve used in the website content include “mature dating”, senior dating” and “over 50s dating” with senior dating sending us the most traffic. I find this really interesting as we have also had comments from prospective members that they are not particularly enamoured with the “senior” label, yet this is where the most traffic is coming from in terms of the key words people type to find our site.
I’d love to hear more thoughts about a “label” that conveys more accurately the attributes of this group and how you’d prefer to be described. Also, something that translates across the world.
Thanks for reading!
Jo
October 13th, 2010 at 6:17 am
Interesting topic – the power of labels. I’d have bit her finger if I could have, too.
Anyway, I agree with you and the ladies commenting; words can hurt and it’s hard to find a way to describe a woman over the age of, say, 50 or so. Boomer doesn’t quite do it for me and does not apply in all instances, countries, and at all ages.
I think you have it right, Eileen, right in the title of your blog – Feisty. How can we coin THAT word to be our label? Let’s work on that.
My blog title is Remarkable Wrinklies and I get a lot of compliments for that label. Can we make that stick?
Belinda Bull has a enormous task ahead of her – trying to find positive names for aging people – especially women.
Gaea Yudron makes a wonderful point about how language has been used in the past to gain women’s rights. We need to do the same for rights as we age.
Thanks again for this incredible post, Eileen. This has become my favorite morning destination! Keep ‘em comin’!
October 12th, 2010 at 9:00 am
At Thanksgiving last year, I gave one of my 5 year realtives a rubber toy lizard I had picked up somewhere. Later in a group of 25 relatives sitting around after the feast, his mother asked the 5 year old boy where did he get his new toy. Pointed across the room and pointed squarely at me and said “That Old Man over there gave it to me!? Yikes, at 61 that sure hit hard, but as they say, out of the mouth of babes, coming the truth.
September 30th, 2010 at 3:03 pm
Enjoyed your paost Mary Eileen.
Whenever someone uses the word Elderly, Senior or Old, I immediately think of my Mother or Grandmother. I don’t think it’s because I am in a state of denial. I really don’t believe that I am Elderly or Old.Baby Boomer women, have lived a differnet life than our mothers.For the most part, we are more healthy in body and mind than our mothers were at the same age.
September 9th, 2010 at 7:05 am
This is the 1st time I’ve left a comment on a blog so I hope I get it right! I chanced upon this blog because I was researching positive names for aging and do you know what, I’m finding none. Here in the UK senior ladies often get called “old dear”, how patronizing, I’m going to keep looking and when I find a great term I shall report back, and I can’t wait to read more.
September 8th, 2010 at 8:13 am
Language and its connotations and associations—so many words with negative charge in the area of aging. Elderly, old, then others that are even more blatantly full of scorn or bias, like over the hill, little old lady, etc. all pointing to our society’s denial and fear of aging.
Just the way we reclaimed language in the womens’ movement and in the civil rights movement, it’s time to do that with aging. Old for example has roots that mean to nourish. And we wouldn’t freak out about being called elderly if our society had a more loving and respectful attitude toward aging. In my work with creative aging, I include reclaiming language. Let’s get more feisty about it. I wrote a musical play titled A New Wrinkle that explores lots of these areas–language, ageism, the opportunities of the later years.