Women Over Fifty—Your New 80/20 Rule
If you’re a women over fifty, I’m guessing you’ve already heard several variations of the 80/20 rule: you wear 20% of your cloths 80% of the time (so watch out for those super expensive, special occasion purchases), finding a job is 80% who you know and 20% what you know (so be sure to spend 80% of your time networking), etc. But I just learned a new 80/20 rule that really struck home with me. I just had to pass it along.
A friend of mine was doing some organizational development work with a large firm. As a method of breaking the ice and promoting a more informal exchange of ideas, the various OD consultants were seated around large tables with representatives from the organization.
After the initial get acquainted chitchat, the conversation turned to business issues. My friend was seated at a table with all women except for one older gentleman. She already knew that he was a senior executive and played a key role in strategic planning for the firm. At first, he sat quietly and listened to the concerns of the women employees. However, after a few minutes, he offered an extremely interesting observation.
The executive remarked, “I’ve been hearing your frustrations and analyzing the reasons behind them for some time now, and it dawned on me that there’s a fundamental difference between how most men approach business challenges versus how some women handle them. You are often smarter, make better leaders, and have greater communication and people skills than men. But when asked to do something new, you’ll often focus on your lack of experience and appear insecure. It’s like the old 80/20 rule: if a guy only knows 20% of something, he’ll act more like he’s 80% sure of his skills and experience, while the reverse is frequently true for you. In my opinion, this is one of the major drawbacks that keeps women from achieving at higher levels within an organization. It’s not so much the glass ceiling anymore, it’s the 80/20 rule.”
When my friend told me this story, it really got me to thinking. How many times had I held myself back from challenges because I only felt 20% sure of becoming successful? How many times did I actually know 80% of the needed skills but focused on the 20% I didn’t have? Could I have gone 80% further in my career had I not dwelled on the 20% I may have lacked?
I encourage each of you to think about your own, internal 80/20 rules: are they moving you forward or are they holding you back? If the latter is true, how can you reframe your thinking, refocus your energies, and pursue your goals—going after them not with 20%, not with 80%, but with 100%! If you do, you might well find yourself going 80% further in just 20% of the time!
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December 7th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
I completely agree and have been guilty of it. We didn’t put it into words, but that has been true about our business in the past. And we lost some contracts we could have easily handled! Live and learn
December 5th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
I have recently been reading alot about how everything flows from the mind and your emotions. If you believe it and truly feel it, then it can become true. The 80/20 rule is a good way of expressing both how women traditionally hold themselves back and how they can, with a simple switch of numbers, achieve whatever they believe in. I know this is how I managed to launch my new web site; by believing. Thanks for the post.
November 25th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
What a great post! I have coached many, many women over the past years and found that the majority of them fell into the category as defined by the male executive in the meeting your friend attended. Plus my earlier experience while working in the corporate world in a male-dominated industry also supports what this executive said about men. I believe it is good to focus on what you do know and to have self-confidence. However, some of the men I interfaced with were “overly” confident and did not know what they were doing much of the time. As a result we all paid the price, one way or another!
November 24th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Clever man. What a great tool for observation especially self observation.
November 24th, 2008 at 6:32 am
I understand Beverly. Yes, it’s very easy to misinterpret intent on the internet.
Sometimes my head is thinking one thing and my fingers are mangling it up typing something else.
But, either way, I’m glad we’ve cleared it up.
November 23rd, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Wow, Eileen, I have to say I do tend to focus on what I don’t know–at least at first–even if I have most of the skills. Knowing is a high value to me, so “not knowing” makes me quite uncomfortable. While I have to agree with this gentleman’s keen insight that women have a strong tendency on 80/20 in that regard, in general, I think our current culture creates chronic knowledge insecurity. The extension of our brains that technology has given us results in an atmosphere where we are required to learn more and faster than ever before. I think we live in information overload and are running to keep up with what we have to learn next to be successful. So, beneath any male/female differences, there is an overall demand for high-speed learning. Talk about wiring, I’m not sure our brains have evolved yet to keep up with it.
The fear of strong women is very deep seated. Good point in this mix, Magnolia. My husband and I often wonder (he grew up the only guy in an all-female household): What is/was it about Hillary Clinton that so many people just out and out despise her? I don’t mean folks who just disagree with her politically. I have observed people nearly froth at the mouth over this woman and how much they cannot stand her. You’d have think she insulted their mother!:) Well, maybe I accidentally am onto something there. Maybe she did in an archetypal sense. The mothering instinct is so “womanly,” any woman who displays “warrior” tendencies is perceived as threatening. Surely we will never have gentle men nor strong women if we cannot at some level learn that men have an inner feminine; women have an inner male. We were made that way because it was good.
November 23rd, 2008 at 2:44 pm
I must agree with all the 80/20 rules. I am one of those women who believes she knows her strengths, but always second guesses it when talking to others. I’m getting over that though. I was very confident this weekend.
November 22nd, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Magnolia,
My comment was a poor attempt at being humorous. If I had put this symbol “:)” at the end of my comments, it may have been read differently. Isn’t it funny how emails get so misinterpreted?
But I definitely understood what you were saying. Sadly women live in a society where they have been taught that they are the “weaker sex” but I’m one of those women who falls into a different category. The only thing weak about me is my weakness for my husband!!!
I guess they call that “submissiveness” but that’s OK.
As far as the 80/20 rule goes for clothes–I’m definitely in that category.
I don’t know who you are but I like you.
November 22nd, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Wow, that 80/20 rule is so true in my closet!! I’m going to have to re-think my wardrobe now.
I’ve found myself in situations where I’ve been well “equipped” to handle them, but I’ve nearly sabotaged myself with focusing on the 20% I lacked in ability. It’s so true that we do it to ourselves. I think the first step is to be self-aware and Fiesty here has opened our eyes!!
Thanks for the great post!
November 22nd, 2008 at 8:55 am
Where have I been? I’ve never heard of any 80%/20% rules, but I’m real familiar with the concept! Especially regarding clothing! I used to have a closet so full I had to lean my whole body weight into the fray to separate the clothing and grab something out, lol.
When I sold my house I was ruthless and threw out almost, yup!, 80% of those clothes! I did have the hardest time with the shoes, though!
As for the 80/20 rule on skills – I think I’m more of a guy there (no nurturing genetic predisposition in my DNA at all – except maybe for Pixel!), but I’m going to think about this just like you said and see if there isn’t a sneaky little bit of doubt that affects my overall tone when I’m promoting myself!
Great post, Eileen – very Feisty indeed!
November 22nd, 2008 at 6:00 am
You may have misunderstood me Beverly. I didn’t say that *I* found strong women offensive.
I meant that as a society, we still tend to be threatened and in many ways offended by strong women.
Women themselves are even threatened and offended by other strong women.
It is a dynamic I’ve observed for many, many years.
Then, the last comment I made about not thinking it would change or that I’m not so sure that it should was meant to mean that I believe we are nurterers by nature and that our tendency to revert to this behavior may very well be so hard wired into us that I’m not so sure we should change it.
Maybe we do not understand ourselves as much as we think we do I guess is what I’m trying to say.
I hope I am a little clearer now.
November 21st, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Very inspiring! Thanks!
Lisa Marie Mercer
November 21st, 2008 at 5:58 pm
I was just reading Magnolia’s comments which I thought were quite interesting.
She said…”Today, we are offended at strong women who take charge and take no prisoners. We find them offensive and overbearing.”
Gee, just how many enemies do I have out here?!
November 21st, 2008 at 7:36 am
Brilliant and astute observation by the gentleman. I’ve observed this dynamic for years.
I’m guilty of the same as well. I do not know if it is our DNA wiring that makes us this way or our teaching.
In all honesty, I tend to believe it’s our wiring. We are genetically predisposed to step into the background, to nurture, to give and to focus on the best interest of others.
Couple this with societal expectations and well, there you go.
Today, we are offended at strong women who take charge and take no prisoners. We find them offensive and overbearing.
and again, I am guilty of thinking these things as well.
But, to be completely honest, I do not know that this will ever change and I’m not so sure that it should.